In English, "shrimp" is an insult. It refers to the small, the weak, and the defenseless (like Monster-Watch writers). But don't assume the same about every shrimp in the ocean. Here are the shrimp who make other creatures cower-- the shrimp who make humans think twice-- the shrimp who could form their own superhero team. (And, for your edification, what X-Man each shrimp would be.)

Pistol Shrimp: Pistol shrimp (family Alpheidae) have one of the most unbelievable adaptations in the known world: they can fire concussive bursts created by a superfast claw-snapping action.

The key is in the pistol shrimp's mighty claw. One of a pistol shrimp's claws is oversized and specially built. The claw can lock into a cocked position, then suddenly snap shut, creating a cavitation wave (that's a hole in the ocean to you and me) as loud as the songs of sperm whales. How loud is that? 4 centimeters from the claw, the pressure is 80,000 pascals, or about 790 times standard atmospheric pressure.

But it's not just a snap, it's a cavitation wave. The shockwave from the snap shoots through the ocean with enough force to kill a small fish. I am so serious.

So for its powerful concussive energy blasts, (and the awesome action figures that the snap-claw would make) the pistol shrimp joins the X-Shrimp as Cyclops.

Mantis Shrimp: Okay, so these beachside behemoths aren't technically shrimp; but hey, they ain't mantises either. (They are called "prawn killers" in Australia, and "thumb splitters" by divers everywhere.) They're crustaceans, though, from the order Stomatopoda, and they're freaking huge. They range from 3 cm (small) to 30 cm (12 inches) or more; the biggest was measured at 38 cm (just under 16 inches, or, freaking huge)! They also range in color from brown to 60's-flashback neon. Worst of all, unlike almost all crustaceans, they'll actively hunt and fight their prey-- and trust me, the mantis shrimp will win.

Mantis shrimp are divided into two categories: spearers and smashers. (Seriously!) Spearers' claws have spiny appendages with barbed tips that stab and snag prey like a hooked arrowhead. But it's the smashers, whose claws are like huge clubs (with sharp cutting edges on the incurve) that make our supershrimp team.

What gets these guys on the team is their super-strength. How strong are they? Well, smashers can lash out with an acceleration of 10,400 g (that is, ten thousand four hundred times the force of Earth's gravity) and a speed of 23 meters per second (about 51 miles per hour). They strike with a force of 1,500 newtons, the force of a 337-pound man sitting on you.

So what about the damage it causes? Well, Bunky, smasher mantis shrimp throw their claws so fast they create cavitation bubbles, pockets of no water, between the claw and the prey's poor body. So first the claw hits with 1,500 N of force. Then the cavitation bubble pops, producing an extra strike that can stun or even kill the victim. (It's kind of like Sanosuke's Futae no Kiwami in Rurouni Kenshin.)

Mantis shrimp attacks are so powerful they can shatter thick aquarium glass, so for its enormous size and amazing stopping power, the mantis shrimp gets the X-Shrimp title of Colossus.

As an inexplicable side note, the mantis shrimp is the only animal known to have hyperspectral vision; it can see from infra-red to ultra-violet.

Treadmill Shrimp: Okay, yeah, you've seen this before. But what superhero team would be complete without a speedster? So this little guy is our Quicksilver. After you stop laughing, though, remember that the researchers were actually doing this to measure the shrimp's health and fitness. So he probably got pretty fit. Yeah, science.